I like Hank Hill a lot. Hank doesn’t fuck around with emotions. He stuffs them way down inside, and just ignores them. One episode where he teaches LuAnne to stuff her feelings is a personal favorite.
Emotions are messy, by and large, and I like things to be tidy and neat. Not to mention they are scurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry! Like monsters wif big teefs and witches with long green fingernails who want to scratch your eyebanols out.
Anyhow, I have changed my meditation routine. Instead of meditating, I, as the present-day-me, have been trying to get the little-me to talk to me if she wants to. After all, she’s the one who went to battle with the monster, so I figure she is the expert, right?
So we are sitting on the couch, and we are having this internal dialogue. I don’t recall the exact conversation, but I think the gist of it was present-day-me reassuring little-me that things were going to be okay, that none of it was her fault, etc, etc.
And the subject of being bad was touched on by one of us. Don’t remember which one.
And little me said something like “I must be really bad. Because you’d have to be really bad for your own mom not to protect you”.
I felt so bad for her. It made me cry.
Not like sob or anything, but I did get watery eyes and I had a couple of tears roll down my cheek. And if you knew me, you’d know that was saying a good bit.
So in the words of Hank Hill
“I had an emotion”.